That's what someone commented on an ad recently (which had a tag line 'Embracing Ageing). And on many levels, I get it. My reply? "Ah, you see, I think ageing is a privilege".
Ageing can bring with it health problems, grief, fear, invisibility, and a society that acts like we’re on our way to expiration the moment we turn 50.
And yet, despite all of that, at the bare minimum, it’s better than the alternative.
And potentially, a lot of the problem isn’t ageing – it’s how society deals with it.
I absolutely could rest in fear, when it comes to ageing. After all, my dad died aged 70, after never being ill in his life, and my mum reached retirement at 65 and promptly had two psychotic breaks, followed by a fast decline into dementia.
15 years later, her life in a care home is a far cry from the ‘retirement to a Greek island’ she was planning.
Neither parent had any retirement at all. If that’s the future I’m hurtling towards, I’d like to put the brakes on please.
Oh, but wait. I can’t put the brakes on, can I? Time is going to march along, doing its thing, however much I worry. And that worry? If anything, it’s going to accelerate the process. What I need to do, at 51, is plan for enjoying life now, and for as long as possible. If I can’t delay the inevitable, then surely my best alternative is to be happy in this moment?
And then peri-menopause wades in, throwing hormones and chaos in every direction. However, night sweats, joint pain and ‘Anna and Hyde’ personality aside, it is putting me very in tune with my body. I might have thought I could ignore my body’s messages previously, but when your hormones are shrieking loudly as they fade, well, my job is to pay attention and amplify their message to my GP. Give me the HRT I need, to make sure I can stay as active as possible going forward.
The reality is, we are living in a time when the vast majority of us are living healthier, for longer, than ever before. And for many women, reaching 50 is a milestone that signifies a kind of freedom that they’ve never felt before.
Something that comes up a lot amongst our clients is a feeling of invisibility.
For some, that’s a slap in the face. Offensive and shocking.
For others though, it’s a release.
From ‘performing beauty’ to other people’s ever-changing standards.
From living, by other people’s rules.
From conforming to ridiculous ideals of what it is to be a woman.
These women are feeling the most confident in themselves and their achievements and they are done with being told how to look and how to be. They are the embodiment of what it means to embrace ageing.
I’m 51, and I’ve stopped caring what anyone thinks of my thighs. Or my face. That alone feels like a miracle. For me, I am at the most body confident, at 51, that I have ever been. I am also much less apologetic for just...existing. I have earned the right to take up space, and take it up I shall.
And brands are, slowly, starting to cotton on to how ridiculous the ‘anti-ageing’ narrative is. Turning greying hair and wrinkles into a problem we’re supposed to fix - as if ageing itself is a flaw.
There is a small shift, in the beauty industry, towards ‘pro-ageing’ instead of ‘anti’. Ageing well, instead of not at all.
This might well be an entirely cynical move on their behalf, but that shift in messaging towards women is worthwhile.
A little bit less ‘there’s something wrong with you’ and a little more ‘let’s be accepting of this stage in life’.
Yes, that shift exists to sell you more beauty products, but when any kind of language around ageing changes, it should be welcomed.
I come at this from a very simple perspective.
I want women to embrace themselves, and their bodies, at any life stage. The odds (and marketing) are stacked against us doing so, whatever age we are.
But once we are 50 plus, 60 plus, 70 plus – if not now, then when?
We’ve earned peace with our bodies. And we need it, now more than ever.
Because time is going to march on, changes we can’t control will happen, and we need to give ourselves the permission to live a life where we are not immersed in dissatisfaction with ourselves.
Much love,
Anna
xx
ps - want to be a part of our project that's centred around giving visibility to women aged 50 and over, and maybe take a look at what it's like to embrace ageing?
Take a look at Womenvisible - The 50 Project.
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