I used to be really uncomfortable with my unmade-up face – to the point where I decided it was unhealthy to not be able to tolerate my own, bare face in the mirror, so I went ‘cold turkey’ and binned all of my make-up.
I’m not recommending it as a course of action, but confronting, rather than hiding, did the trick for me. I am very comfortable with how I look now.
Enter menopause. Bringing its hot flushes, spots and now…facial hair.
Now, I’m used to the odd chin hair (I’ve often wondered how they go from non-existent to one inch long, seemingly overnight). I get rid of them almost unthinkingly. Tweeze, gone.
But today, I didn’t have one. Or two. I had SIX.
Fine grey ones. Thicker, dark brown ones. A little furry cluster on my face.
And I wasn’t confident and comfortable in how I look. I flipped straight to ‘wtf? I must get rid of these’. And did. Swiftly despatching the unwanted straggly b*stards.
And then afterwards I thought, but why? Why was my reaction so strong? What is going on that makes me think it’s not socially acceptable for me to have facial hair? I’m not against other natural effects of ageing – at 51 I am at peace with the idea of wrinkles, I’m not traumatised by crows’ feet.
Is it because we’ve been conditioned to see any sign of ageing as something to ‘correct’? Or because, as women, we’re taught that visible body hair is somehow ‘wrong’?
Whatever it is, it runs deep. And it’s strange to realise that something as small as a few stray hairs can make me question how I see myself.
Chin hair is often presented as something to joke about. Acknowledge, laugh, remove and move on. There’s not a whole lot of ‘embrace, dye it funky colours, see how it develops’ going on.
There has been some progress, due facial hair being one of the side effects of PCOS. But just as a part of ageing? Everything is about the epilation.
I don’t want to fall back into a trap of feeling like ‘x thing about me is wrong’ when the very fact it is happening means it is natural. With something as visible as chin hair though, just leaving it - to wait and see how I feel - seems to go hand in hand with making some kind of statement. But renavigating my own confidence is personal to me, not a performance.
I’m not saying I have it figured out. Maybe I’ll embrace it. Maybe I’ll pluck every single one without a second thought. But it’s the process of questioning that matters. If I’m going to keep pulling them out, I at least want to know why.
Look out for the ‘I dyed my chin hairs rainbow colours, just because’ post of the future. Or maybe I’ll just continue to remove them, and never mention it again.
Much love,
Anna
xx
(Irony – I am watching MAFS Australia – I know, I know – as I type this and, someone has JUST complained at being called ‘Senora’, using this comment to qualify how unacceptable it – “that’s something you’d call someone who’s 90, she’s got a bun in her hair, she’s got a couple of warts, and hair on her chin”.
It’s funny, really. The more I realise that my reaction is about ‘anti-ageing,’ the less inclined I am to go along with it. I’m not fighting my age - I’m just trying to figure out why I feel I should.)
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