Today I'm talking about how body confidence can affect your sex life.
Right, this week, lets talk about sex, or specifically body confidence and sex. How we feel about our bodies can have a really serious
impact on our sex lives and it isn't like there isn't an absolute tonne of other stuff having an effect as well. So really, for a lot of women, our sexual relationships do not need yet another thing to ruin them.
Every week I meet women who won't undress in front of their partners, their partners have never seen them in underwear, never seen them naked or if they have it's in the past, it's a dim and distant memory from long ago. And it's really easy to kid yourself that that isn't an issue - lights off, clothes off, what's the problem? And it might not be a problem, it could be completely fine and if it's not a problem and every thing's working well, that's great. But since I have absolutely loads of conversations with women about this, it's clear to me that for some women it genuinely is a big issue.
If you had a partner who says horrible things to you about your body, and I know that this is scarily common, somebody who puts you down, who makes you feel that there's something wrong with you. Then I don't personally think that it's you that needs to change because it's the other person who needs to sort themselves out. There's nothing that I can do to resolve that because it's them who needs a stern talking to. You are the one who's awesome and amazing and they are the ones with the problem.
If on the other hand you have a supportive partner who loves you, who compliments you, who makes you feel great then what we do a lot of the time, we put a lot of our body insecurities onto them, because we assume that because we don't like our bodies they can't possibly like them either and effectively we don't trust them enough to share who we are. But we're about to have sex with them and part of good sex is giving ourselves over to someone else, it's a release, we let go.
How much can we honestly let go if we're thinking "is it definitely dark enough in here that you can't possible see my C-section scar"?
So getting ourselves to the point where we will do someone else the honour of letting them see us naked and letting them enjoy and revel in our bodies is a massive favour to us and to our relationships.
So lets assume that our partners aren't as shallow as a puddle and assume that we don't need a perfect body because they probably haven't got a perfect body either. The perfect body doesn't really exist. In fact they're probably going to be perfectly happy with our body and just actually quite excited that we will let them see it. Because bodies are squishy and saggy and they have marks on them but they are unique to us and that's something that we should be sharing with our partners because it's true it's natural.
Now that might feel like that is a big exercise in trust but actually we should trust our partners in a big way so it's completely fine to let go to that degree and to share who we are with somebody else.